30 things no PR person EVER wants to hear….

  1. Journalist 15 minutes late for client briefing: “Hello” when phoning at home/in the office
  2. Voicemail alert: “Beep beep, beep beep” when getting off the tube 5 minutes before a media briefing is about to start….
  3. Client: So, we have to cut budget this year and we thought we would look at ways to reduce European content and re-use Global press releases and articles….
  4. Client: We know he needs media training, but we really can’t tell him…can you use him anyway?
  5. European partner/office: That is not going to work in <insert Western European country name> and if we have to do it that way, we will need MUUUUUUUCH more budget than that (or in fact than anyone else in the Western Hemisphere has ever charged)
  6. Junior team member: I couldn’t get hold of anyone, they were all on voicemail
  7. Journalist:  The supplement this month was smaller than we planned, so your client’s piece should be appearing online instead.
  8. Designer: On that budget, you can have it good, fast, cheap.  Now choose two.
  9. Prospect: Let’s make a video at our sales conference and put it on YouTube to make it go viral
  10. Actually just the word viral in a brief
  11. Sales person My editor passed your email along to me…have you thought about advertising in X
  12. 12. Client: our VP of sales is in the UK next month. There is no news but can you get the FT and some broadcast stuff lined up?
  13. 13. Client: thanks for lining up that day of meetings – unfortunately the VP isn’t able to make it now.
  14. Client (unprompted) to journalist – It’s been an interesting year. We’ve lost a lot of business and had to let a lot of people go.
  15. Client CEO: I want to have a blog / Twitter account and I want you lot to write it
  16. Prospect: The SEO agency does my PR, they send out the releases online
  17. Client: Can you go on Amazon | x forum and write some positive reviews?
  18. Message from reception: Watchdog wants to have your client on a panel
  19. Prospect: I don’t have any time, money or resources. What can I do with social media?
  20. Client: why weren’t we allowed to approve the piece before it appeared?
  21. Client: because of my budget cuts I’d like you to pay for expensive items such as my hotels etc – just temporarily – and I’ll raise a PO next quarter – is that okay?
  22. Journalist: your VP isn’t senior enough – I only want to speak to your client’s CEO
  23. Journalist: sounds interesting.  Send me an email about it and I’ll take a look
  24. Journalist to client on briefing call: Sorry, what’s this call about?
  25. The silence that fills the room like a gothic marshmallow after asking the prospect what is the desired ‘call to action’ out of a prospective online campaign
  26. Client Do you know where I can get a massage with all the trimmings and would it be possible for you to pay for it and charge it back to us on expenses?
  27. Boss: I don’t see the point of twitter.
  28. Client: I’ll be bringing somebody from procurement to the next meeting
  29. Prospect to pitch team: I know we said this was just a one stage non-competitive process, but would you mind pitching for a 4th time against a handful of other agencies?
  30. Prospect to pitch team: Can you include a detailed explanation of the current UK and EU regulatory situation with your initial proposal?

Wade in PR folks…any more faves?

(Thanks to the team at Ruder Finn for crowdpitching in with some of these)